so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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