ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
