you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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