When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
