so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
