The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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