turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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