I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
