On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
