Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hippo gnu deer
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
