would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
