Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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