WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
