does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
