Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
