bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize