yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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