i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
