Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
