She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You made out with two different species that night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
