2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
