That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
