I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
