walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize