so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
