John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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