You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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