took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
