totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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