you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize