Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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