I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
