If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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