I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
