I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
