dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
