I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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