Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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