Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you never un-have a 4some
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
