i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
