evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize