they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He? As in you personified your dick?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
