We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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