Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
