So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
