Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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