I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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