Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She bit a glass in half.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
