just come out here and I will go home with you...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
