Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
