therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
