we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
