I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
