we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
