hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
