It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
