I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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