I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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