South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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