I think my fart just growled at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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