i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
