I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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