My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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