If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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