I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
