I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
