I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
